Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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