Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
