I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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