worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
