Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
