you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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