I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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