im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
