Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
