I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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