Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
