So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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