Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
