Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
