i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
