You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
