Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
