His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
