like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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