Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
