Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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