ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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