Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
