u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
