I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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