maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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