She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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