So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
false alarm. still invincible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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