She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
