I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
