My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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