Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
