I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
