bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
