Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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