I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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