The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
