She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
