Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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