I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
