I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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