meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Green mimosas i think yes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
