How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Come share oat with me in your robe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
