These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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