Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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