yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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