I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
