sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
