I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
