Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
